I cant. I just can not say no when someone I love asks something of me. If they need help with something, want to grab lunch, or need me to do something for them- I will more than likely say yes. I will shift my schedule like a 1000 piece puzzle just to fit in that piece. I’ll say yes before even checking my handheld calendar (that has lots of mark outs and lots of stuff in it). I will say yes before I have had my lunch that day. I will say yes before the sun even rises. I will say yes long after the sun goes to sleep. I will say yes to someone else before I say yes to myself.

STOP. I have got to stop. 

I’m not saying stop being generous with my time, but stop putting so much on my own shoulders that I can’t even walk right. Stop saying yes when you haven’t eaten in nearly 12 hours. Stop saying yes when the best sleep you got was 2 weeks ago. I need to stop telling myself that people will only love me and appreciate me if I break my back for them. It’s so untrue.

I do not need to be accessible to everyone, all of the time. 

My girlfriend and I argue more about me being on my phone than anything else. She often times think I am scrolling through social media just to kill time when the reality is that I am responding to emails, texts, voicemails and missed called in hopes that I’m not too late to be someone’s saving grace that day. My top love language is acts of service. For the longest time I have taken that term too seriously. My act of service doesn’t have to be breaking my back. If I continue to do that, my acts of services will become few and far between because I am so tired and my body is so sick I can’t serve anyone…not even myself.

Going forward I am going to start practicing saying no. No to things that can wait, no to things that aren’t a priority, and no to things that will make me lose something essential such as sleep or eating. I will follow my no with a “what other times works best for you?”. Now, if it’s a true emergency… those who know me know that there is no circumstance that will prevent me from being there for you in however you need me.

But you guys, I am so damn tired. If you ask something of me and I say I’m busy (and actually stick with that answer) please know that I probably am busy…taking care of myself. My sweet friend suggested I do something that I found to be really cool. Each week I am blocking off 2 hours (in 30 minute increments) of time where I am busy just taking care of myself.

Busy being unavailable to anyone else but myself because I too am deserving of my own acts of service.

You are so loved & I AM here for you, just please understand that I have to be here for myself, too.

xo